Tonight I ran out to pick something up for dinner because I just wasn't in the mood to cook nor did I have anything that sounded good at the house. I have to say that I'm always thankful to be at a point in life that despite the struggling economy and the fact that I'm currently out of work, I still am able to pay my bills and have the luxury of running out to get something to eat. Granted, I've been fiscally responsible and have planned for a "rainy day", but I've also been lucky to have been brought up in a family that taught me the value of doing such a thing at an early age.
On my way out of the place I picked up dinner was a man standing by the parking lot. As I walked by he practically whispered "can you spare some change?" He was a clean man, perhaps just down on his luck. I said very quietly as I was reaching for my keys - "just a minute". I went to the truck, put my food in and looked at the change I had received for paying for dinner - it was $7.00. I look at it for a second, grabbed the $5.00 bill, went back over to him and he was sitting on the ground looking at the ground. I held out the $5.00 and said "here you go." He looked up at me a little slowly and then seeing the $5.00 bill, his eyes lit up and he smiled. He said "thank you SO much" and it felt so genuine that for a moment I wanted to cry. I said "your welcome" and turned back to walk to my truck. As I walked away he said "have a good night" and when I turned around to say thanks he was still smiling the huge smile at me.
I don't tell this story to pat myself on the back but to share something that really bothers me. I see people asking for money all the time. A day doesn't go by that I don't pass a person on a corner with a sign up. My somewhat internal rule is if the person asks me directly, I will give them money...I simply can't imagine a world where there would be no options but to walk up to strangers and ask for money for food - that feeling makes me so incredibly sad.
So my challenge is this...how can you tell who really needs help and who really just doesn't want to work, or worse, has an addiction to something that drains their health and wealth? I know that the question itself can seem callous but as I've seen it so much, I always find myself wondering how you can know. The truth is, I'd love to help every person I can because as I said, I just can't imagine what a person must go through to do that. I think of the thousands and thousands of immigrants that came to this country to make a better life for themselves only to find that their future generations are struggling. I guess the answer to my question about "how can you know" is that you can't. There is no magic formula.
I don't know if I'm just getting older or I'm just paying attention but sometimes these thoughts are overwhelming. Granted, I live in one of the largest cities in the United States and with that comes these types of daily challenges but sometimes what I'd really like to do is buy them a meal, sit down with them and understand their story.
When I was in grad school, one of the classes required that you worked in a soup kitchen or one of those types of organizations. My group went down to Long Beach to work in a homeless shelter. At least in this shelter, there was food and a place for them to sleep but talking to people who "lived" and worked there, they had incredible stories. Stories of being in jail, the things they had done and what led them to where they were now. I remember being blown away by these stories. At the end of our time there, the organizer of the shelter talked to us and told us the truth about some of the folks we had talked to. The "truth" was a lot different that the stories the people had told me.
Now I know that everyone has their own version of their life story - sometimes we are honest with ourselves and sometimes we are not. I know that there is psychological damage, mental illness and about a thousand other things that people can suffer from. But learning the "truth" about the people I had met in the shelter just added to my confusion about how do you know who really needs help? And can you ever really "help" someone in a situation like that?
I guess, in the end, anyone who asks for it needs it but I (somewhat selfishly) want to know that the money I am giving them is going to feed them and/or their family, not feed an addiction. I don't want to enable, I want to help. Given that, perhaps I'm the one that needs to change...perhaps I need to not worry about what people do with the money I am giving them to try to help...
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
The American Dream
One of the things I love about the American Dream is the thought of incredible possibilities. I, probably like most others, find that hope is something to be treasured. As long as there is hope, not all is lost.
I am perplexed by what is going on in the world today. To me the American Dream is something that if you work hard enough and stay focused, you can achieve greatness - whatever you define that to be. I think back on the history of this country that I studied in school and I remember stories of immigrants coming to this country with nothing and with hard work and dedication, they created a life for themselves here - some becoming very successful. I think about Thomas Edison and his struggles on creating some of our greatest inventions. I think about Mulhulland and his incredible system that Los Angeles still uses to this day even though it wasn't designed for a population this big. From the simplest of inventions to the most elaborate, these were people who dreamed big, worked hard and didn't stop.
So why am I perplexed? Because in today's society, at least my perception of today's society, we are, as Tim Gunn says in his book Gunn's Golden Rules, "want[ing] the cheaper version of fame: celebrity. [People] want to be famous, but not for having done anything." While you may be surprised that I would quote someone like Tim Gunn, I find his comment spot on. Today people want the short cut to what they consider success. It is no secret that I am not a fan of all "reality television shows" - in the beginning of this era of television shows, there was, perhaps some "reality" but now it's a formula of outrageous behavior and larger than life personalities for ratings and recognition. Shows where talented individuals are competing for something ("Top Chef", "Project Runway" or even "America's Next Top Model") at least require that the show participants have some talent that they are trying to nurture but shows like "Real Housewives" and "Jersey Shore" are strictly for shock value. I look at the latter of these shows thinking "I hope that we are not judged as a society in history by these shows - they do not represent us as a country."
So what does this have to do with the American Dream? I think this new era is sending the wrong message and belittling morals and values. It started slowly with the Clinton scandal and then the OJ Simpson trial - people in power and "famous" people were, in some cases, literally getting away with murder. The ability of lawyers and publicists to "spin" a situation has become the norm. Integrity and honesty have taken a back seat. To me, the American Dream is about integrity and honesty...not becoming a celebrity by being the most outrageous loud mouth you can be and not by getting away with things that you know are wrong.
This is even evident in today's workplace. I've not heard anyone admit this yet but companies today are taking advantage of our economy. They are downgrading positions and paying employees less for a larger workload. If someone doesn't want the job, fine...there are others that will take it. The flip side to this though is that many workers are also lazy and do the least amount of work to still keep their job. In my American Dream, workers show up and do the best job possibly because they have integrity and find satisfaction with working diligently and in return, companies value their dedication and hard work by providing safe and nurturing work environments and appropriate benefits. Most I know laugh at my Pollyanna-type world, accepting that it could never happen. I believe at one time, when this country was working to become the country it is known for, this did happen...maybe not at all companies, but certainly more than it does now.
As a society, many have become lazy and complacent. For those that have not, the struggle to reach your dreams and achieve your goals are that much more work. Think of society as a layer cake - first you have to pass the bottom "lazy layer" of society that tries to keep you down before you can even reach the layer of "status quo" society that just wants to do the minimum to get by. After that comes the "short cutters" that try to get by on other people's talents and work and then you have the "doers" that are the one's actually getting the work done. Above that comes layers of leadership and politics that I won't go into now but I think you get the point. The "doers" have to stay above three layers of society that try to drag them down - and we, as a society, are fine with that??
I get discouraged easily lately but the one thing that keeps me going is hope. Hope and hard work knowing that there are no short cuts except through education. Learn from history and learn from mistakes - those are the only "short cuts" I would consider in a world of intergrity and honesty.
I am perplexed by what is going on in the world today. To me the American Dream is something that if you work hard enough and stay focused, you can achieve greatness - whatever you define that to be. I think back on the history of this country that I studied in school and I remember stories of immigrants coming to this country with nothing and with hard work and dedication, they created a life for themselves here - some becoming very successful. I think about Thomas Edison and his struggles on creating some of our greatest inventions. I think about Mulhulland and his incredible system that Los Angeles still uses to this day even though it wasn't designed for a population this big. From the simplest of inventions to the most elaborate, these were people who dreamed big, worked hard and didn't stop.
So why am I perplexed? Because in today's society, at least my perception of today's society, we are, as Tim Gunn says in his book Gunn's Golden Rules, "want[ing] the cheaper version of fame: celebrity. [People] want to be famous, but not for having done anything." While you may be surprised that I would quote someone like Tim Gunn, I find his comment spot on. Today people want the short cut to what they consider success. It is no secret that I am not a fan of all "reality television shows" - in the beginning of this era of television shows, there was, perhaps some "reality" but now it's a formula of outrageous behavior and larger than life personalities for ratings and recognition. Shows where talented individuals are competing for something ("Top Chef", "Project Runway" or even "America's Next Top Model") at least require that the show participants have some talent that they are trying to nurture but shows like "Real Housewives" and "Jersey Shore" are strictly for shock value. I look at the latter of these shows thinking "I hope that we are not judged as a society in history by these shows - they do not represent us as a country."
So what does this have to do with the American Dream? I think this new era is sending the wrong message and belittling morals and values. It started slowly with the Clinton scandal and then the OJ Simpson trial - people in power and "famous" people were, in some cases, literally getting away with murder. The ability of lawyers and publicists to "spin" a situation has become the norm. Integrity and honesty have taken a back seat. To me, the American Dream is about integrity and honesty...not becoming a celebrity by being the most outrageous loud mouth you can be and not by getting away with things that you know are wrong.
This is even evident in today's workplace. I've not heard anyone admit this yet but companies today are taking advantage of our economy. They are downgrading positions and paying employees less for a larger workload. If someone doesn't want the job, fine...there are others that will take it. The flip side to this though is that many workers are also lazy and do the least amount of work to still keep their job. In my American Dream, workers show up and do the best job possibly because they have integrity and find satisfaction with working diligently and in return, companies value their dedication and hard work by providing safe and nurturing work environments and appropriate benefits. Most I know laugh at my Pollyanna-type world, accepting that it could never happen. I believe at one time, when this country was working to become the country it is known for, this did happen...maybe not at all companies, but certainly more than it does now.
As a society, many have become lazy and complacent. For those that have not, the struggle to reach your dreams and achieve your goals are that much more work. Think of society as a layer cake - first you have to pass the bottom "lazy layer" of society that tries to keep you down before you can even reach the layer of "status quo" society that just wants to do the minimum to get by. After that comes the "short cutters" that try to get by on other people's talents and work and then you have the "doers" that are the one's actually getting the work done. Above that comes layers of leadership and politics that I won't go into now but I think you get the point. The "doers" have to stay above three layers of society that try to drag them down - and we, as a society, are fine with that??
I get discouraged easily lately but the one thing that keeps me going is hope. Hope and hard work knowing that there are no short cuts except through education. Learn from history and learn from mistakes - those are the only "short cuts" I would consider in a world of intergrity and honesty.
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