Is it real or is it faux? While faux products can be confused with the real thing, it's faux people that I want to talk about. I meet a lot of people not only in my professional life but in my personal life. When I meet them on a professional level, in my mind, I understand that these will be professional contacts. I usually share with them just a bit of personal information to help create a professional and successful relationship in which to work together. Although at times some of these professional connections end up becoming personal friends, that is usually rare for me. In a professional relationship, there is a somewhat clear set of standards and expectations in terms of conducting yourself, conducting business and not involving personal drama in the workplace. You are generally polite to each other, work together to create solutions and know that when it comes to business, anyone can end up anywhere in a company so it's best not to burn bridges if not necessary. It's a somewhat "fake" relationship but in the game of business, it's how the game is played. I can accept that.
When it comes to my personal life, the somewhat clear rules don't seem to exist for me. I tend to be one of those people where, if I like you, I let you know. I show genuine interest in you and exchange real dialogue. I share my experiences, thoughts and goals. I actually enjoy it. I get to be myself without the professional air of stiffness and formality that surrounds my professional relationships. My personal relationships become my close friends and those in my life as close friends know that I value them as friends. Sure there may be times where life gets busy and we don't have as much time to spend together but when we do, we find the time and catch up as though time has not gone by. It's an easy set of rules - be yourself, be genuine.
So now I've talked about professional relationships and close friendships - but what about the "acquaintance". These are people I meet through friends, in school, possibly at workshops, travelling, etc. They are the people that you meet during times where you end up sharing a little bit of your lives together but the truth is, they won't become an active part in your life. What do you do with those people? How much do you share and what do you expect after your experience together has ended? This is where I struggle.
Going back to what I said earlier, if you are an acquaintance I've met on one of my journeys and we've sat and shared life stories together because we found a common viewpoint or interest, I like you. I don't tend to just ramble on with those I don't feel any connection to. If I like you, I'm going to take an interest in you - want to occasionally know what you're up to and that things are going well for you. This usually means I'll send you an occasional e-mail, a card of your birthday or a holiday card...just things to keep up with you. I've ended up turning some acquaintances into close friends though the years. For the genuine acquaintances, I have no problems.
So why did I mention the struggle with acquaintances? My problem comes from the acquaintances that turn out to be manipulators and at times, they are well camouflaged. Usually manipulators can be spotted easily- they are the people that try to get close to you if they feel that it will benefit themselves in some way. Sometimes, they are the loud people that are just looking for an audience. Each have their own signs and I can usually avoid them or prevent myself from falling into their trap. But some manipulators are good and can be deceiving. They are the ones that appear as genuine people who have interest in you as an individual but they have an ulterior motive.
I tend to break the manipulators into two categories...salesmen and schmucks. For the genuine "salesmen," they take an interest in you regardless of whether you support or buy their product. During the entire "courtship" if you will, they act like any normal person trying to get to know you. They will do everything but try to sell you their product because what they are selling are themselves. In exchange, they are hoping that if you buy them, then you buy the product. These, for me, are the more difficult because I believe that when you're trying to sell "yourself", you're also sharing who you are with another person. There are believable elements of the "courtship." Sometimes, I genuinely like the people because I separate them from their product. After all, I reason, everyone has to make a living. Ultimately, you always find out whether they're genuine or not based on what happens after you do or do not buy the product. Although it shouldn't be disappointing when they give you the cold shoulder after the "courship" is over, sometimes it is.
The "schmucks" are the worst kind of people in my opinion. They are the ones that seriously have something wrong in their head - whether they weren't loved as a child, got hurt somewhere along the line or are just bad people. Calling them schmucks in my mind lets them off easy - if it was up to me, they'd be assholes but I just don't want to put that much negative energy out there. They aren't worth any time or energy. They are the ones that manipulate others for their own personal enjoyment. I think everyone has run across a schmuck or two in your lifetime - it's those people where you walk away wondering how they can be so cruel. To me their behavior is usually trying to mask some sort of severe insecurity but I'm not a shrink. Those are the people that I have no problem walking away from although I have to admit that at times, I waste time trying to figure out why they are the way they are.
Through all the various types of relationships in my life, I can usually find my way and identify the different types of people I meet. However, every now and again, I am wrong and it's usually that someone I thought was a friend, or had the potential to be a friend, was not. They were fake and I was fooled. That never feels good. In my optimistic view, I would love to think that there could exist a world where people would be real. I think most confident people want to be real but there seems to always be a little part of us, whether we like to admit it or not, that wants people to like us. I think that little part of us (in my opinion, controlled by the ego) can make us to stupid things sometimes. In my mind, the occasional stupid things can be forgiven and learned from, it's the conscious fake person that I have an issue with.
